How to Set Boundaries (Especially When Respect Isn’t a Given)

“I Don’t Need an Apology. I Don’t Need Approval. I Need Respect.”

Yea, I said that.

That’s how I ended my email today to a man where I, once again, found myself disrespected.

Not by accident.

Not because of a simple misunderstanding.

But because I was dealing with someone who thought they could talk down to me over and over again - and get away with it.

As I sit here at the end of the day, I keep circling the same questions: Was I too intense? Should I have let it go? They all probably think I’m a bitch

Let’s be real, as a female entrepreneur in a male-dominated space, disrespect isn’t a rare event.

I’ve had my fair share of it - sometimes subtle, sometimes so blatant it makes your blood boil.

A lot of times, I dismiss it. I’ll send a quick, professional email: “I don’t think we’ll be a good fit.” Done. Door closed.

But other times? You can’t just walk away.

Today was one of those times.

The truth is, getting respected as a woman - especially in leadership - isn’t as simple as showing up, doing the work, and letting your results speak for themselves.

Sometimes, unfortunately, you have to speak up in ways that don’t always feel comfortable. And yes… sometimes that means putting men in their place.

How to set boundaries

Here’s how I handle it:

001. Lay the boundary

This is where you state the line - clearly, confidently, and without leaving room for interpretation.

The most important thing? Keep it non-emotional. Facts only.

People who regularly cross boundaries don’t care how you feel - and you shouldn’t give them that part of you.

They don’t deserve it.

You’re not here to explain your feelings or convince them to care; you’re here to set a standard.

If you need to reference what happened to cause this boundary to be set, keep it tight and factual.

For example:

• “In yesterday’s meeting, I was spoken to in a way that was unprofessional.”
• “At the last family gathering, you raised your voice at me in front of the kids.”

Then, state the boundary:

• “Going forward, I expect all communication to be respectful and professional.”
• “From now on, I expect we address disagreements calmly and privately.”

This is not the moment to soften the blow or over-explain.

No “I feel like…” or “I just think…”

Instead: facts, then the boundary.

Period.

002. Say what happens if it gets crossed.

This part is non-negotiable.

A boundary without a consequence is just noise - it holds zero power unless you make it clear what happens next.

This isn’t about issuing threats or ultimatums; it’s about calmly outlining cause and effect.

And again: facts, not feelings.

You’re not trying to punish anyone - you’re simply stating what you will do to protect your space and integrity if the boundary isn’t respected.

Example:

• “If this type of communication continues, I will remove myself from the project.”
• “If this happens again, I will leave the conversation and we can revisit it when things are calmer.”

The key here is to set a consequence you’re actually prepared to enforce.

Don’t bluff.

This is about reinforcing that your boundaries are real - and that you have no problem stepping back if they aren’t honored.

003. Present the next steps.

This is where you show that you’re not just shutting things down - you’re leading the situation forward.

A lot of people skip this part, but it’s what positions you as solution-oriented and in control.

You’ve made your boundary clear, you’ve stated the consequence, and now you’re laying out what’s next.

This could look like:

• “If these expectations aren’t a fit, I’m happy to discuss an alternative path or step away respectfully.”
• “I’m still happy to attend family events, but if I feel disrespected again, I will leave the situation immediately.”

The goal here is twofold:

1. You make it crystal clear what the path forward looks like.
2. You keep the ball in your court, which reinforces that you’re driving the conversation - not reacting to it.

This shows strength and maturity: you’re not just setting boundaries to “win” the moment - you’re leading the situation to a resolution that works for everyone (or closing the door with class if it can’t be fixed).

It Works, So What’s The Problem?

It’s clean. It’s direct. And - spoiler alert - it works.

But even when it works, what’s the first thing that pops up in my mind?

Was I too harsh? Was I overreacting? Should I have softened my tone? Maybe less eye contact? Or more eye contact?

God forbid a woman actually stands up for herself when she’s being pushed around.

And here’s what’s really infuriating: we get the result we need, but somehow, we still end up second-guessing ourselves.

We replay the conversation in our heads.

We wonder if we came across as too emotional, too “high maintenance,” too difficult. Too much.

In other words: we worry that we’ll be labeled “the bitch”.

Why do we do this?

Because, like it or not, the world tells us that when a woman asserts herself - when she demands respect the way any male leader would - she’s “difficult.” She’s “emotional.” She “can’t go with the flow.”

Meanwhile, men doing the exact same thing?

That’s just… leadership.

Here’s what I keep reminding myself:

WHO CARES WHAT THEY THINK!

My twenties were full of letting men talk to me however they wanted.

I literally had a conference room, long table and roll-y chairs, full of men laughing at me because I was pregnant. They said I was too young and I ruined my life.

I was ashamed. I was embarrassed.

I bit my tongue, I brushed things off, I convinced myself that if I worked hard enough, I’d earn their respect.

Ultimately I was frustrated because I wanted so badly to be a leader - someone who empowered others.

But how could I do that when I got pushed around so easily.

Respect is the Default

Here’s what I’ve learned: respect isn’t something you earn by staying quiet and hoping people notice how hard you work.

Respect is something you demand by making your boundaries clear and standing firm in them.

It’s funny.

People love to list their titles and achievements when they talk to me.

I can see it in their eyes - they’re waiting for me to respect them because of what’s on their resume.

I have the opposite approach.

You don’t have to earn my respect.

You have it - until you give me a reason to take it away.

I believe respect is the default.

But I’m realizing not everyone sees it that way.

And if I want to be the leader I know I am, I have to keep standing up for myself. Every time. Without apology.

So if shutting down inappropriate comments…

If making it clear how I expect to be treated…

If demanding respect…

…makes me a bitch?

Then guess what.

I’M. A. BITCH.